The Darkness Inside of Me
by I hart Booth
Summary: Booth has to deal with his past every single day. Today, Brennan has to watch. BB! Sorta kinda angsty...but not really...I don't know...Nobody dies at least.
1. Sore

**Here's my newest Boothcentric peice. It's angsty, but fluffy...well, what I mean is, no one is in mortal danger, but it's kind of painful to read. Okay..anyway. I have this slight obsession with Booth's past...so if you're into that, this is for you. Have fun!**

Booth sighed and kicked the door shut, wincing as he did so. Foot pursuit, while wearing dress shoes and in sub zero temperatures was never fun, but today was especially ill-advised. Today the bones in his feet protested even the slightest movement, and after an entire day of anything _but_ being still, he was in serious need of painkillers.

"Bones? You home?" He called out, shrugging out of his coat. He probably should have called ahead of time, made sure she wasn't still at the lab, but he hadn't thought about it.

He sat on the edge of the couch, noticing that she hadn't answered him and carefully began taking off his shoes. He hissed in pain as his feet shifted out of the shoes, aches and pains usually forgotten were pronounced when the weather was like this and he hated the cruel reminder of things he'd rather forget.

Booth glared at the offensive footwear and started back toward the bathroom, walking slowly and allowing himself to limp only because he knew he was alone.

_Definitely wearing sneakers tomorrow._ He knew quite well that sneakers with suits was a fashion faux pas, but it was either that or be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of the week. And he didn't think the stairs up to his apartment would agree with a wheelchair.

He pulled out his cell phone as he opened the medicine cabinet and dialed Brennan's cell. It started ringing and he held the phone between his shoulder and ear as he rifled through containers of toothpaste, deoderant and cold medicine for for a small orange vile near the back. A prescription of very strong pain pills he hardly ever used, but thanked God for every time he did. They were like magic.

Brennan's phone was ringing for the third time when the door opened out in the living room.

"Hang up Booth, I'm here!" Brennan's voice echoed out in the apartment and Booth awkwardly held the pills in his mouth as he answered.

"Be out in a minute Babe!" He shut his phone and drank some water from the faucet, squeezing the wide pills down his throat.

Out in the kitchen Brennan pulled a bottle of wine out of the cupboard and got a beer from the refrigerator.

"Mmm. Smells good." Booth came down the hall, rubbing his hands together as the smell of pizza hit him in the face.

He kissed Brennan quickly and went to the box.

"Half Carnivore half Veggie. Perfect."

"Also known as Herbivore. And someone who eats both is Omnivore." She stated, getting out the plates.

Booth rolled his eyes, stuffing a piece of pizza in his mouth as Brennan handed him a beer.

"Please Bones," He said, swallowing, "no squint talk while I'm eating." He glanced at the beer, remembering quite vividly what happened the last time he'd had beer with he pain killers he'd just taken. He grimaced, he was _not_ spending another night with his head in the toilet.

"What's wrong?" Brennan noticed the strange look he was giving his beer.

Booth glanced at her and shook his head.

"Nothing, I'm just not thirsty. That's all." He grabbed another piece of pizza and headed toward the couch.

"Anything good on the boob tube tonight?" He glanced at the clock on the wall as it ticked past 10:02.

"Booth you're limping. Did something happen at work today?" He heard her ask from behind. He closed his eyes briefly, before turning his best smile toward her.

"No, I'm fine. Just a little tired and sore, what do you want to watch?" He asked quickly, not wanting to linger on the subject for too long.

Brennan grabbed her pizza and joined him on the couch, sufficiently distracted by his change in topic.

"I don't know. Isn't that why you subscribe to that TV magazine?"

Booth shrugged and grabbed the remote, staring blankly as he started flipping channels.

**Wanna see somethin cool? If you poke that button...a box opens up, and then if you write in that box and hit another button...I get to read what you wrote!! Isn't that awesome!?!**


	2. Memories

**Thanks for the overwhelming support of this fic, it's one of my faves. A shortie but a goodie. **

Booth wasn't concentrating on the TV, though he desperately wished he could. His mind was just elsewhere tonight.

He shifted his hips, adjusting the way pressure was falling on his feet and ankles, but it didn't help. The pain kept racing up his veins, coursing through his tired muscles, carrying memories to his head.

He never moved much when he was in the VA hospital. Of course, how was he supposed to with both his feet in casts and his upper body so badly beaten that he could hardly lift his arms without crying out in pain. He was often wheeled to a window somewhere so he could look outside and usually they left him alone, they always left the new ones alone. Soldiers that were fresh from war and internment camps who were so shell shocked they couldn't find their way out of the nightmares with two hands and a flashlight.

He could still see the explosions, smell the death and dirt on the air. Even after months in the hospital he could hear his comrades beg for mercy in the next room and taste the blood in his mouth. And he could still feel every bone in his feet crack as the pipes landed against them one more time.

That's what days like today did to him, brought back the memories of why exactly his feet hurt with the change of the seasons. How exactly they got that way.

Brennan sat beside Booth on the couch, completely unaware of the darkness floating around inside his head. His arm draped casually over her shoulders as she leaned into him and sipped her beer.

She too, was paying no attention to the television. She could read Booth better than anyone which granted, wasn't saying much, but she could. And she knew bones better even than that. The way he was walking didn't have anything to do with being tired. And he hadn't had a beer. That wasn't at all like Booth.

In all their pondering, the two hadn't noticed that the show they were watching had ended and a new one, about a government agent with a knack for torture, was now beginning. Not when the numbers of a digital clock started counting down the next hour. Not when the blowtorch was lit. Not until the first scream rang out.

Booth was yanked from his thoughts and jerked forward, startling Brennan beside him.

"Booth?" She sat up, and looked at him. Booth was staring wide-eyed at the screen a mixture of horror and disbelief on his face.

She turned as another scream assaulted them from the surround sound speakers, along with the sickening sizzle of burning flesh.

Booth suddenly leapt up from the couch and backed away from the TV.

"Booth?"

"Turn it off!"

Startled by his shout, she didn't move right away.

Booth felt his body starting to shake as the camera panned across a man's naked torso, blood smeared across his chest ad then up to his face A face portraying barely contained screams of pain, before it came to rest on a deep crimson wound in his side as a glowing hot metal rod was pressed into it.

The man's scream was filled with the agony of torture, agony Booth knew too well and couldn't handle being reminded off. Not today.

Brennan saw all the color drain from his face and suddenly pulled herself back into reality, searching frantically for the remote.

"Bones!" He called out, unable to take his eyes off the screen. His heart pounded so hard against his chest it rattled his body and filled his ears. He covered them and shut his eyes, back pressed up against the wall as he prayed for a Chevy commercial or an Extreme Weather warning.

Something, anything, to make the screaming stop.

Brennan finally found the remote wedged between the two couch cushions and slammed her finger down on the 'power' button. The TV turned black and she spun around to face the terrified man behind her. His head was bent low, hands clasped over his ears, breathing loud and heavy.

"Booth?" She said quietly as she got up and crossed slowly over to him. Upon getting closer she could hear him muttering to himself and cautiously reached out to touch his shoulder.

"Booth?"

_Ralph didn't make it, the walk was just too far, too long with not enough water. He went too slow for their captors and ended up taking the bullet of an AK47 to the spine. Luke didn't make it either, although he just was in the wrong place at the wrong time and received a blow to the temple with the butt of a gun. He got lucky, was dead on the spot. Booth rolled over and coughed up blood and dirt, creating a foamy pool three inches in front of him. He struggled to open his eyes, found he could only open one, and searched the darkness for any sign of the rest of the POWs. But there weren't any, he was all that was left and…_

Booth felt a hand on his shoulder and instinctively jumped away. Brennan recoiled and folded her arms across her chest.

He looked at her and she gasped. His eyes were wide but pupils dilated, his lips parted in a question that never came. He didn't seem to be able to see her, was looking past her to the door. She felt her heart starting to pound with worry.

"Booth are you alright?" She asked shakily.

Booth swallowed, some of the life coming back to his eyes and he shook the cobwebs from his head.

"Yeah…just…give me a minute." He turned and limped hurriedly back to the bedroom.


	3. Decision

**Glad people are so into this, just one more chap to go my lovlies!!**

Brennan stared down the hall after him, crushed by the sudden silence. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.

_What just happened?_

She'd never seen Booth act that way, so positively terrified, almost hysterical. She found that the sight of it shook her to the core and she took a calming breath, wishing to quiet her pounding heart.

Booth shut the door and leaned against it, screwing his eyes shut, trying desperately to drown out the voices with the slow, steady mantra he'd learned in the VA.

"Three. Deep breath. It's not real…One…Deep breath. Count to three. Not real…Two" The screams grew faint but goose bumps remained, running rampant across his skin and he felt his knees go weak when he attempted to stand away from the door.

Backing up to the bed, he dropped onto it and let his head fall into his hands. His shoulders shook as the first of the tears rushed to his eyes and he forbade them, ordered them not to fall.

He told himself it was over ten years ago, that he should compose himself and go back to Bones, he'd probably scared her. He tried, but then the pain in his feet would become unbearable and the scenes he'd tried to forget washed over him again, he simply couldn't hold them back any longer. Couldn't pretend it didn't happen, the pain, the death didn't exist. He couldn't make the memories stop playing in his mind.

Brennan blinked, searching for something to do with herself while the war waged on inside her.

_He told me he is fine, I should just give him a minute. But the way he's been acting, especially that, that was anything_ **but **_fine. I should go to him. So do I trust him, or do I trust me?_

Attempting to stall the inevitable, she went to the living room to clean up the mess from their dinner, but they'd had pizza. There wasn't any mess. Still, she picked up the empty box and piled the coasters on top of each other in the corner. She found that only a minute and a half had passed. She glanced around, finding everything in order, she went to the bathroom to wash her hands.

She flicked on the light and her eyes fell to an orange prescription bottle on the sink. Furrowing her brows, she picked it up.

It was an extremely potent painkiller. She recalled using it when she was in the hospital with a broken wrist a while back. But this was a prescription for Booth, and it didn't have any regular dose times, it just said 'when necessary'. She sucked on the inside of her cheek for a moment and looked at herself in the mirror.

_Me. I'm going to have to go with me this time._ With a nod, she left for the bedroom, where Booth had disappeared only moments before.

Taking a steadying breath to prepare herself, she reached for the doorknob.

But nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when she swung it open.

**I know it's short, sorry about that. Hope you'll review anyway...**


	4. Always

**Well, here's the last chap...might be a Tissue Warning for those of you with leaky piping. This chap is dedicated to all the angst addicts and Boothlovers out there who reviewed this fic. Enjoy!**

Brennan stood quietly in the doorway, unable to move. She never expected in a million years to ever see Booth the way he was right then. So frightened and vulnerable, so…not Booth.

He sat hunched over in his spot on the edge of the bed, trying so desperately not to cry that it was actually, physically, painful to listen to. Her heart twisted up in her chest and she froze in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Should she turn and leave, or should she go to him?

He sensed her presence and when he looked up, she could see very clearly in those red-rimmed eyes, the answer to her question.

Booth knew she was there and he knew he'd told her to leave him alone for a minute, but at that moment he really didn't have the energy to argue and tell her to go. And he really didn't want to. Taking a deep breath that only caught in his chest and made him tense with restraint, he looked up at her.

In an instant Brennan was by his side, dropping the half full bottle of painkillers to the floor so she could wrap her arms around him.

"Bones…" His voice shook and he cursed it for doing so.

"Shh. Not now Booth." She soothed, pulling him toward her firmly and pushing one hand up into his hair, pressing his face to her shoulder. She could fell his tense muscles and his disinclination to show weakness was obvious. She moved to look at him, tilting his face toward her with a gentle hand.

"Let me Seeley." She searched his eyes for a moment, and then moved so she was sitting behind him and pulled him back toward her. "I'm here for you. I'm here."

He could have dealt with pity or judgment or confusion. He could hold himself together against that, at least, what he had left that was 'together'. But she brought him compassion and understanding and unconditional love. How was he supposed to fight himself when she was looking at him with those wide blue eyes like that?

Brennan pulled him back to lean against her and it was all he could take. The tears cascaded down his cheeks, the sobs raked his body, ripped it in two. When he grew afraid of literally falling apart he turned in her arms and held onto her, letting the warm tears soak her shirt and loving the feel of her arms around him. Letting him know that he was alive and safe, there with her.

She felt him turn and cling to her for all he was worth and it broke the floodgates. The water rolled from her eyes, down her cheeks and into his hair. Her shirt became soaked with his own warm tears and she leaned her head against him.

His pain was so visceral, so oppressive, she could feel it traveling between them and linking them together in a bond stronger than any they'd ever known before. She closed her eyes and she shared his pain, took it upon herself if only to lessen it in him.

Brennan leaned down and kissed his hair where her salty tears had fallen and continued to whisper to him between the sobs, though she was no longer aware of what she was saying. She wondered how often things like this happened to him, something came about and struck a chord in his brain to bring back those horrid experiences. She shuddered to think he'd ever gone through this alone, and she swore he never would again.

No matter what happened in the future she would never let him experience this sort of ordeal alone again. Even if her worst fear came true and for some reason they parted ways, she would never let him be alone. End of story. She would not do to him what was done to her.

Suddenly Brennan realized Booth's breathing had grown quiet and her heart was beating faster of the two. She shifted her body a bit to look at him and found him asleep, there in her arms. She sighed deeply. She knew, not only was crying exhausting, but drowsiness was often a side-effect of the painkillers he'd taken.

She wriggled out from under him and carefully pulled off his jeans, followed by her own and changed into one of his shirts. Then, snuggling in beside him, she wrapped her arms around his back and they lay face to face. She reveled in his calm expression for a moment, then kissed his eyes and cheeks. They were salty from tears and it only squeezed her chest more. She moved down to his nose and, ever so gently, his lips.

Brennan let her hand rub slow, steady circles along Booth's side, from the waistband of his boxers to his arm and she could have sworn she felt him relax.

_Maybe that's why he is always doing it for me_.

She settled into the pillow and took a deep breath. Maybe she could do this, this relationship with Seeley.

_Of course, has there ever been any doubt?_ She thought, slightly amused with herself.

Well, perhaps there had, but there was no way she was ever leaving this man after tonight. She could never forget what they'd shared, what they'd gone through. Together.

"I'll be right here Seeley." She whispered, almost smiling when his hand tightened on her hip.

"Always?" He asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

Brennan smiled and rested her forehead against his. "Always."

THE END


End file.
